Ask a Foolish Question/Transcript
(Scene opens up showing Phineas and Ferb sitting under a tree.) Linda: Hey boys, want some fat-free whole-grain granola bars? They're still warm from the oven. Phineas: Whole-grain and fat-free? (He and Ferb take a granola bar.) You know us so well. Linda: (Walks off) Yes, yes I do. (Phineas and Ferb eat their granola bars.) Phineas: You know, Mom's always doing nice things for us. I think it's time we did something nice for Mom! Let's see... We could—No... (Quiz show music plays.) Phineas: Or—Uh uh. (Ferb gasps) Phineas: Huh... (He and Ferb repeatedly gasp. They stop and the quiz show music plays again slowly.) Isabella: Hey, Phineas! Whatcha doin'? Phineas: We're trying to think of a nice thing we can do for Mom. Any ideas? Isabella: You can clean up the whole house for her! Baljeet: Or, you can get a classic wooden slide rule from Analog Emporium. Buford: How do I know what adults like? What am I, a computer? Phineas: That's it! I know what we're gonna do today. We're gonna make a super computer! Buford: What? Your Mom wants a super computer? What is she? Some kind of nerd? Phineas: No, we're gonna ask the computer what to do for Mom. Baljeet: Slide rule! I gave it to you on a silver platter! (Scene shifts to the interior of the Flynn-Fletcher house.) Linda: Okay, I'm going out. (Pulls out a coupon) I've got a coupon for a free hair styling from this new salon. I'm gonna freshen up my look. Granola bars are in the kitchen! (walks away) Candace: Ugh. Maybe I'll feed mine to Perry. Hey, where is Perry? (Outside, Perry puts on his fedora, pulls on a flower, and enters an open hole. Inside the lair, the screen turns on.) Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. The entire Tri-State Area's becoming riddled with holes. Also, numerous light beams have been shot from Doofenshmirtz's building. Either he's having some sort of a rave, or he's the one behind all those holes. Investigate at once! (Salutes) Good luck, Agent P! (Perry salutes back and takes off on his jet-pack) (Song: Buildin' a Supercomputer) We're buildin' a supercomputer in the backyard And singing about it in G We worked up the plans so it can't be that hard To make a trillion-terabyte memory Our song is synchronic, not the least bit ironic What you hear is exactly what you see We're buildin' a supercomputer And singing just what we're doin' Which is buildin' a supercomputer And over-explainin' just what you're viewin' All the panels are screwed in As our song is concludin' What you hear is exactly what you see Supercomputer: And that's the story of how you made me. Isabella: He's cute! (At Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., a ray fires, and an item comes back with the ray. This continues until Perry arrives.) Doofenshmirtz: (Repeatedly firing his ray) That's not it... That's not it... (Perry enters through a panel on the wall and hides) Doofenshmirtz: That's not it... (Picks up an item) That is not it. (Perry straightens his fedora, and then runs) Doofenshmirtz: That's not it. (Perry is covered with cement and is shaped into a brick. The cement quickly dries as Perry tries to escape) Doofenshmirtz: (Laughs) Welcome, Perry the Platypus. How do you like your trap? That's super quick drying cement. See? (Knocks on the cement) Solid as a, uh... I dunno, some rock-like substance. Cement, maybe! Now, with you safely trapped, I introduce you to the Metal-Unearth-inator! (The Metal-Unearth-inator fires, and a can comes back) (Cut to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard) Phineas: All right, gang, It's ready to go. We just need to perform an initial scan of the Tri-State Area so it has enough data to work with. (The supercomputer's antenna rises, and starts its initial scan) Supercomputer: Scanning the Tri-State-Area. (In the scrap yard) Boy: Between that and the random laser drills, this is like the second best mid-day scrapyard rave ever! (Inside a hospital) Doctor: (Preparing to activate a CT scanner) Hold still and... (The red scan light flashes, showing her skeleton. She pulls out her cell phone) Hello, Hospital Workers Union. (The scan light flashes at Norm) Norm: Get out of my mind! (Back at the backyard) Supercomputer: Gathering data from all objects and habitants. Computing all logical outcome of all events. (Finishes scanning, bell dings) Done. Phineas: Okay, computer. Are you ready to answer any question? Supercomputer: Yes, my data is complete. My logic, infallible. (Phineas and Ferb laugh) Phineas: What's 2 + 2? Supercomputer: 4. Perhaps you should just count on your fingers. Phineas: Sorry. What's the square root of 72,361? Supercomputer: 269. Try something more unusual. Isabella: What are the names the girls in my Fireside Girls troop? Supercomputer: Gretchen, Adyson, Holly, Katie, Milly, and Ginger. Isabella: Wow, he's good! Baljeet: On a multi-valve engine with variable timing, how can I isolate an exhaust valve leak at the stem seal without removing the can shaft? Supercomputer: Coat the engine with tomato paste and the leak will reveal itself. (Baljeet elbows Buford) Buford: He's right! Uh, what size pants do I wear? Supercomputer: Boys, husky, extra large. (Buford elbows Baljeet) Baljeet: He's right! Buford: Impressive! (Thumbs up) Phineas: Well, you seem to be working perfectly so, computer, what is the nicest thing we can do for Mom today? Supercomputer: Computing... (Ding) Done. Get a gallon of industrial marking dye and a leaf blower. Tie balloons onto them. Then, go to the top of Danville Hill, and at 2:37 p.m., release them into the wind. Phineas: Really? Supercomputer: Nothing would make your mother happier today. (Baljeet has a glum face) Baljeet: You turned that slide rule for this? Phineas: I don't know, Baljeet. From what we seen so far, I think a little blind faith is called for. Baljeet: You know nothing about women. Buford: Dude, it's over. (Candace walks out of the sliding door) Candace: Okay, there must be something bustable going on around here. (Notices the super computer; she drops her phone.) What...is..that? Supercomputer: I am a super computer. I can answer any question that you can possibly ask. Candace: Did my brothers make you? Supercomputer: Yes. Yes, they did. Candace: Okay. So, let me think of a question... Hmm... How many states in the United States? Supercomputer: 50. Candace: What goes on top of pancakes? Supercomputer: Butter and syrup. Candace: How do you pronounce the "J" in "J''alapeño"? '''Supercomputer:' It makes the "H" sound. Candace: (Hisses) I knew that. How many fingers behind my back? Supercomputer: Two. Candace: Okay, that's just freaky. And...bustable! All I gotta do is... (Pause) But it never works! No matter what I try, whatever the boys do just disappears before Mom looks! If only there was some way to guarantee Mom would see what the boys done? (Looks at the supercomputer) Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee... (In an alleyway, a dog puts down a bone. A ray fires and the dog runs off. The item caught by the ray drops on Doofenshmirtz's balcony.) Doofenshmirtz: What? Another one? Why are there so many helmets buried in the Tri-State Area? (Tosses it off) Ah, onto the pile you go. (The helmet lands on a pile of old, dirty stuff. The camera zooms out, showing Perry trapped) Doofenshmirtz: So, Perry the Platypus, hope you didn't come here because of the holes, because the Metal-Unearth-inator is not even my final plan. May I present to you my real plan? The All-Purpose-inator! You heard of a man's man? Well, this is an inator's inator. (His hand is seen on the control panel) It does everything! (Takes his hand off the control panel) Of course, once I activate it, it will make all my inators obsolete, but, uh... I guess that's progress. Unfortunately, I ran into a little snag... (Flashback. Doofenshmirtz is seen finishing the All-Purpose-inator) Doofenshmirtz: After putting all the final touches on my All-Purpose-inator, I took a step back to admire my handiwork. Victory was finally within my grasp. (Flashback Doofenshmirtz cackles) Doofenshmirtz: All I needed to do is turn the thing on. (Flashback Doofenshmirtz pulls out a key) Then fate made a cruel joke. (Flashback Doofenshmirtz slips on green paint. The key falls off the balcony) The ignition key fell of my balcony! Flashback Doofenshmirtz: Nooooooo!!!!! (With binoculars, he spots a gopher take the key and run into its hole) Doofenshmirtz: I could tell he was laughing. You know, that way gophers do. And there's no way I was going to go all the way down there to get the key. I've got a schedule to keep. (End flashback) Doofenshmirtz: So, I decided to build the Metal-Unearth-inator to track down and dig up the key so I can fire up my All-Purpose-inator... (At this point, the camera shows that Perry is playing a game of solitaire on the cement block.) ...so I can take over the Tri-State Area. Somehow. You know, you can put the red king on... (groaning) Hey; you're not even listening. (Back at the backyard, Candace is talking to the supercomputer.) Candace: But then, when I bring Mom into the backyard, it's gone and Mom never sees it. So here's my question, Mr. Supercomputer, how can I get my Mom to see what my brothers have done? Supercomputer: Elementary. You must build a device that makes your Mom see what your brothers have done. Candace: What kind of device? Supercomputer: Follow my instructions to the letter and when you have finished, I am 100% certain that your Mom will see what your brothers have done. Candace: Okay. Where do I start? (pulls out a notepad and a pencil) Supercomputer: (while Candace is writing) You are going to need a toaster, a number two screwdriver, some electrical tape... (At Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., the ray from the Metal-Unearth-inator keeps on retrieving helmets.) Doofenshmirtz: Helmet, helmet, another helmet. What happened here? (A chisel has fallen onto the balcony) A chisel? (picks it up) Well, it's no key but at least we're getting closer in size. (tosses it over his shoulder) (The chisel bounces off the pile of metal items and hits the cement block with a clang. A second later, the Metal-Unearth-inator retrieves...) A hammer? Why would someone bury a hammer? Well, onto the pile you go. (tosses the hammer) (The hammer lands directly onto the chisel, which enables Perry to escape from the cement block trap. He then stops to take a look at the pile.) Doofenshmirtz: I'm closing in on the key. I can feel it. (gasps) Perry the Platypus, how did you get out? (Camera pans to Perry, who's wearing a Roman solder's helmet and also holding a flail, which he twirls around for a few seconds.) Doofenshmirtz: (gasps again) Well, two can play at that game. (He reaches into the pile and then is seen with a radio on his head and holding a ladle and a fan in his hands.) Doofenshmirtz: (chuckles; awkward silence) Uh, wait a second. Hold on. (rummages in the pile) Not this, not this. There was a whole bunch of 'em just a couple of minutes ago. A-ha! Jackpot! (He's now seen wearing a viking helmet with a sword and shield in his hands.) Doofenshmirtz: Now, Perry the Platypus, meet your doom. (screams) (A flail and sword fight then starts between Doofenshmirtz and Perry.) (Phineas, Ferb, and their friends--with the exception of Baljeet as Buford's carrying him--are now hiking up Danville Hill. A bunch of balloons have been tied to a container of industrial orange marker dye and a leaf blower.) Phineas: Keep up, Buford, it's almost 2:37. Buford: Hey, I don't have balloons to lighten my load. Baljeet: I would have walked. All: Three, two, one... (Phineas and Ferb releases the items into the air.) Liftoff! Phineas: There they go. Industrial orange marker dye and a leaf blower. Guaranteed happiness for Mom. Somehow. Let's follow and see what happens. (The kids then run down the hill to do just that.) Phineas: This way, everybody. (They jump over a fence, which Baljeet trips over.) Baljeet: Sure, now you put me down. (In the backyard, Candace has finished some kind of contraption.) Candace: There, finished. Did I put it together right? Supercomputer: You built it perfectly, Candace. Your Mom will definitely see what the boys have done. And you finished it just in time, because in two seconds your Mom is going to pull up. (car honks) Candace: Wow! You're right about everything! (runs off) I can't lose! (to Linda) Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mo... (Candace trails off as she opens the driver's side door,... revealing Linda's bad hair-do.) Uh.... Linda: I'm having a bad day. Candace: Uh, never mind. Come on, come on, come on! (pushes Linda towards the backyard) (At Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., the flail and sword fight continues. Doofenshmirtz finally gets the upper hand when he disarms Perry.) Doofenshmirtz: So, no so tough without your mace. (Perry glares at him) Now, I have the upper hand. (Perry takes off the helmet) Prepare to meet your doom... (He holds up the shield after Perry throws it at him.) You throw your helmet at me? That's so lame, Perry the... (Perry starts throwing helmets at him.) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (Doofenshmirtz "accidentally" activates the Metal-Unearth-inator and the ray reaches the backyard of the Flynn-Fletcher home.) (In the backyard) Supercomputer: Precisely on schedule. (The ray picks it... and a gopher... up from the ground.) Supercomputer: Hello gopher! (the wiring detaches from it) (The gopher, holding a key, looks down with surprise.) Candace: (pushes Linda into the backyard with eyes closed) It's over here! It's over here! See? (Just as Candace opens her eyes, the balloons carrying the items floats into the backyard.) Phineas: Hi, Candace! Linda: You know, Candace (turns around) most days, this is just a little disturbing. But today, with the free coupon (camera pans up) and this whole awful thing with my hair... (The camera shows the supercomputer still in the ray's grasp.) Supercomputer: And the gopher lets go now. (The gopher looses its grip on the key, and bumps off the container, which causes the orange marketing dye to pour out. Luckily, the gopher catches hold of the pull string on the leafblower. The little critter then goes for a wild ride after it starts.) Linda: (with eyes closed) If only I had... (The orange dye falls onto her hair then the leafblower arrives to blow dry it.) Linda: (groans) (The toaster gives a ding! and a hand mirror pops out of it.) Linda: (opens her eyes; looks in the hand mirror) Huh? (Sure enough, Linda's hair is back to normal, complete with her headband.) Linda: My hair looks so...cute! I guess it just needed some time to settle. (walks away) Candace: But, but, but, buuuuuu... Linda: It's so great when something nice happens to you, especially when you weren't expecting it. (exits) Candace: What just happened? Phineas: We did something nice for Mom. We fixed her bad hairdo. Apparently. Candace: You did that? Phineas: Yup. Candace: You... did that? Phineas: That's right. With a little supercomputer help. Candace: So, when Mom looked in the mirror on that thing I built, she saw what you had done? Phineas: That's right. Ferb: And by the way, nice use of the accordion arm. Candace: Oh! I hate computers! (exits) Phineas: Hey, where'd the computer go? (Scene shifts to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.) (Metal-Earth-inator beeping) Doofenshmirtz: Ooh! The key detection alarm! I forgot I installed that. (tosses the sword and shield) Here it comes,... (The shield lands on the floor and the sword lands straight up in it) ...here it comes, here it comes. (pause) Wait! Supercomputer: I knew this was going to happen. Doofemshmirtz: Uh-oh. (The Metal-Earth-inator retrieves the supercomputer at the same time Perry's leaving the building on his jet-pack. A second later, there's an explosion.) Well, at least I found the key to the... (A second explosion occurs, blowing off the retractable roof.) Nice! Curse you, Perry the... (The roof lands lopsidedly onto the building.) (groans) Why does everything explode so easily? (And cue the third explosion.) Yeah, I knew that was gonna happen. Category:Transcripts Category:A